Hello, Blog Readers!

Last night I text messaged Ten "I've found someone else. It's over." It took her a full hour and 15 minutes to call me back. Sometimes I don't think she takes me seriously enough.

This is my last day of psych consult, which is good, because I hate psych consult. I'm going to spend the weekend with Ten up in Charlotte. All my dirty laundry is in my car, and I'm ready to leave right after work. This weekend I will be working on a presentation I'm doing on The Othello Syndrome: Delusional Jealousy. See, Route52? You're not the only one studying Shakespeare these days.

This is one of the best Words of the Day I've ever received:

Acnestis - noun: The part of the body where one cannot reach to scratch

New Diagnoses

A cute Dress Disorder - the inability to pass up an attractive dress in a department store

Ain’t I Social Disorder - a compulsion to add new friends on Facebook

Androidant Personality Disorder - a compulsion to “do the robot” at each and every social event one is invited to

Buy Polar Disorder - an addiction to seltzer water

Fauxbia - pretending to be afraid of insects/blood/clowns because you want attention

Fender Identity Disorder - the inability to find one’s car in a parking lot

Hamnesia - not being able to remember why the Oscar Mayer package is empty

Menorahphobia - fear of Jewish holidays

Orderline Personality Disorder - even after waiting in line for 5 minutes, one still does not know what he/she wants to order when he/she gets to the front of the line

Panit Disorder - the inability to say anything nice about a movie

Post-Parton Depression - deep sadness following the decline in popularity of Dolly Parton

Skitsophrenia - an intense obsession with Saturday Night Live

Son drowning - like Abraham in the Old Testament, but with a twist

Tomatoform Disorder - a compulsion to lay out in the sun

Stressed Dramatic Post Disorder - a compulsion to make passive aggressive blog posts

Haik You

We went to the bank
To count our coins. We had
Seven hundred bucks.

This weekend Ten & I are going to her bank to turn all of the coins we've been collecting into bills. We think that in about 2 years time we have amassed over $500, but we're not positive. I can't wait to see the look on the bankers' faces when we stroll in with 6 heavy yogurt buckets full. They will say something sarcastic, and then I will put my elbow down on the counter, slowly take the piece of hay out of mouth, look past my cowboy hat's brim into their eyes, and say, "It's legal tender, y'all. Ten, go out to the hitching post and fetch me my musket." Can't wait.

Other activities for the weekend include getting snow tires on my car and giving Boo treats when Ten's not looking. The weekend will be cut short early Sunday morning because guess who's on call again.

A Haiku:

Ten turns 31
Next Sunday. A Ten-der age,
That's not, now is it?

Recycling

I met a traveler from an antique land
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
I and this mystery here we stand
Grains of the golden sand--

To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Was too close, with its breathing and thick hair,
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,--that is all
Still waved on a castle wall.

You feel that you are destined for me
That thus so cleanly I myself can free.
She knows not what the curse may be,
I don’t feel good don’t bother me.

The sun now rose upon the right:
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Down to a sunless sea.

And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
Could twist the sinews of thy heart,
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun,
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one.

No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise and deny.
They tell me you are wicked and I believe them, for I
Rage, rage against the dying of the light
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

Tonight I'm on call,
I don't like this at all.
I'd rather be home,
Reading Al Franken alone.
Instead I must see,
People in the ED.
And if I am able,
I will make them be stable.
But if I cannot,
Another patient I've got.
My call bed has sheets,
That have seen others' feets.
And the shower's got germs
With which I can't come to terms.
I hope the cafeteria,
Doesn't have as much bacteria.
Because that is the site,
I'll be dining tonight.
If my beeper doesn't beep,
Maybe I'll get some sleep.
And if my beeper falls in the lou,
Then I'll get some sleep too.