Wednesday, October 31

Taking the Plunge

Tonight I went to a nearby restaurant/coffee shop in an attempt to spice up some routine data entry I had to do. Data entry that they didn't tell us about on interview day, omitted at second look, and similarly failed to mention during our orientation week. As soon as I had found a seat, set up my lap top, and pulled out my notebook, I realized that Number One was calling. (And Number Ten thinks she has no competition. Ha!) I decided to run to the rest room, quickly empty the ole' blad', perform a cursory washing of my hands, and then return to my table before my laptop got stolen. Just to be safe, I took my wallet with me.

Because I was in such a hurry, I suppose I was a little too aggressive in pulling up my pants after I was done with One. Somehow, in some freak chance of nature, by some bizarre act of Trickster Jesus, my wallet flew, nay, soared, out of my pants pocket, sending all of my credit cards, coffee club cards, business cards, metro cards, First Aid certification cards, expired coupons for soy milk, temporary tattoos I never got around to applying, and old movie tickets directly into the toilet.

Needless to say, I went bobbing for plastic. But without my mouth, of course.

Gross!!!!!!!! I washed my hands several times, but I think that the toilet water somehow seeped into my soul. Or at least seeped past my epidermal and dermal layers. Probably subdermal too. Needless to say, I abandoned my work station and headed home. When I got home, I made a cup of Good Earth tea and tried to calm down. I was doing a good job until I looked at the quote on my tea bag tab. It reads, "No man who is in a hurry is quite civilized." - Will Durant (1885-1981)

Oh, Will. If only you could have seen me, down on my knees in the Panera bathroom stall, my right arm up to its elbow in toilet water, fishing around in the bowl for my Bruegger's Coffee Club Card, you would have known that you, Will Durant, whoever you are, have never said a truer word. In fact, perhaps no one has.


Anonymous said...

Oh sad! F-ing Dmeds too. I feel for you chica :( - Nic

Anonymous said...

Hey, at least it wasn't your cell phone! YUCK!


Anonymous said...

Last year on 10/31 it was the Toilet of Doom, this year it's Taking the Plunge. Coincidence? I don't think so. I think spooks and goblins have a sick sense of potty humor. And so, next year, to please them, and to avoid another aquatic encounter, I think we should dress as a plunger and toilet bowl brush and go trick or treating.

Anonymous said...

You know, no one mentioned that the grrrrrrreat thing is that it wasn't number two calling. So I'll mention it. -CE